Managing A Difficult Period With My Ex: The Children’s Summer Holidays

The summer holidays should be about making special memories, but they can be difficult for separated parents. The holidays can generate some upset, anxieties, uncertainty and test your resolve. 

If you have a child arrangements order in place, this should facilitate calm and ensure that arrangements are made in advance and there is a clear understanding of when the children will be spending time with each of their parents. There are, however, often some difficult patches and points to consider to increase the chances of some smooth summer months.

Planning is key

Whether you have a child arrangements order or not, future proofing and planning in advance is so important to ensure that arrangements for the children are known and agreed.

It is always best to only book travel and accommodation once the plans are all set out and agreed by both parents to avoid disappointments. If you anticipate that the other parent may not agree to you taking your child on holiday, then it’s a good idea to seek legal advice and support to help you find a solution in advance. 

It is also crucial to avoid both parents booking holiday trips on the same days and or for long periods of time which overlap with the children’s time with the other parent. If this is a possibility, open, transparent dialogue and solutions are key. 

If you want to take the children on holiday outside of a time which has been set out in a pre-existing agreement, it’s a good idea to propose how the time will be made up to the other parent, so they don’t lose out on their time with the children. 

Passports 

If you plan to take your children overseas, make sure you have their passports well in advance.

If you anticipate that the other parent is going to withhold the passports, it’s a good idea to seek legal advice in advance to ensure you have sufficient time to address the issue. 

Maximising the benefit for the children

It’s important for the children to spend time with both of their parents over the summer months. 

It seems wise to ensure you do not both take annual leave over the exact same period of time. It is important you each set out proposed annual leave dates, especially for holidays, to ensure that the children then have the maximum benefit of spending quality time concurrently with each of their parents.

Maximising the benefit for the children not only gives you the assurance that the children are having a great summer period with you both, but also it minimises your concerns about any double bookings or difficulties with your ex-partner. Nobody wants to be engaged in disagreement and seeking out legal advice on the eve of summer unless they really need it. 

Handovers

The summer period can be a time where parents are undertaking handovers more regularly face to face than in other periods of the year. It is important to be prepared and to consider how best these are to be managed. A hostile argument or tense handover with the children present is absolutely to be avoided. 

It may also be wise to consider a handover location and who will be present at a handover to avoid conflict.

First day back at school

The first day at school, or back to school for another term, can be a source of contention. 

Many parents, who may not have had the fresh new uniform and drop off on the first day of term, may well seek it and that may be counter to what you had envisaged or hoped. It is important to think about how you will manage the start of term in advance. 

Especially if it is a child’s first day at school, a collaborative approach is often best for the child. It is important to recognise that this an important day, not only for parents, but most importantly for the child. Calmness and reflection is key to finding solutions. 

The summer months should and can be smooth and happy for you both and the children. It does, however, require good planning, and cooperative interactions. For more information on how we can help with family law issues, visit our Family Law page.